मन

कई दिनों से मैं अपने मन में होने वाली गतिविधियों को देखने का प्रयास कर रहा था| किस तरह से मन एक जगह से दूसरी जगह भागता है| मन में पिजा का ध्यान आया, पिजा से पिजा हट का ध्यान आया, पिजा हट में जब पिछली बार गए थे तब का दिन याद आ गया, उस दिन मैं काफ़ी परेशान था फिर यह ध्यान आया, परेशानी का कारण तो मैंने पहले ही ढूँढ निकाला था वह परेशानी मुझे जब कभी पहले आई थी वह सब पल मेरी आंखों के सामने आ गए, और जब मुझे होश आया तो मैंने पाया की में पिछले १ घंटे से बेहोश था| एक घंटे तक मैं अपने मन की गतिविधियों को देख रहा था| किस तरह से एक से दूसरी कड़ी जुड़ती गई, किस तरह से मन एक जगह से दूसरी जगह भागता गया, किस तरह से नए नए विचार मेरे मन में अपने आप आते रहे और ख़ास बात यह थी की यह सब अपने आप ही हो रहा था, मैं तो बस देख रहा था| चित्र अपने आप बदल रहे थे, उन चित्रों मैं आवाजें भी थी, वह भी मुझे साफ सुने दे रही थी| ऐसा लग रहा था की मनो मैं कोई चलचित्र देख रहा हूँ, जिसका मैं हीरो हूँ|

कई बार ऐसा भी होता है की मन में आई किसी वस्तु से मुझे उससे मिलने वाले स्वाद का ध्यान आ जाता है और मेरे मन में उस वस्तु से उस स्वाद को पाने की इच्छा जागृत हो उठती है| जैसे पिजा का ध्यान आने पर उससे मिलने वाले स्वाद का आस्वादन मैं अपने मन में लेता हूँ और फिर मुझे पिजा खाने की तलब उठती है| पिजा का ध्यान आने पर पिजा का स्वाद तथा उसका चित्र मेरे मन मैं स्वतः ही आ जाता है| यहाँ पर पिजा तो केवल एक उधाहरण है, ऐसा मेरे साथ हर उस वस्तु के लिए होता है जिससे मुझे अच्छा स्वाद मिला हो और जिससे मुझे वह स्वाद दोबारा मिलने की आशा हो| यहाँ पर यह भी देखने की बात है की यह स्वाद मुझे केवल खाने पीने की चीजों में ही नहीं, बल्कि कई अन्य चीजों मे भी मिलता है| जैसे किसी प्रियजन के साथ बिताये गए अच्छे समय का स्वाद या आस्वादन| अपने प्रियजनों के साथ बिताये गए अच्छे समय की यादें तथा उस समय लिया गया स्वाद अथवा आस्वादन मेरे मन में बना रहता है| जैसे ही मुझे वह पल याद आते हैं, मैं अपने मन में वह आस्वादन बिना उन पलों मे हुए भी लेने लगता हूँ और फिर वैसे ही पल दोबारा से पाने की इच्छा रखता हूँ| इस तरह से यह देखने मे आता है की यह स्वाद या आस्वादन मुझे कई जगहों से मिलता है, खाने पीने से, घूमने फिरने से, टीवी देख कर, अपने प्रियजनों से बातें कर के, उनके साथ अच्छा समय बिता कर तथा कई अन्य वस्तुओं से| इतना सब कुछ मेरे मन मे चलता रहता है, मुझ मे इतनी सारी इच्छाओं को जन्म देते रहता है, मुझ से इतना कुछ कराते रहता है|

यहाँ पर यह देखने में आता है की यह स्वाद पाने की आशा मेरे मन में हमेशा ही बनी रहती है| में निरंतर किसी ना किसी वस्तु से स्वाद पाने की आशा रखता हूँ| जिस वस्तु का स्वाद मुझे अच्छा नहीं लगता उसे में अपने से दूर कर देना चाहता हूँ और जिस वस्तु का स्वाद मुझे अच्छा लगा हो या लगता हो उसे मैं पा लेना चाहता हूँ ताकि मुझे वह स्वाद दोबारा मिल सके| अगर मैं ध्यान से देखूं तो मुझे यह दिखता है की मेरे सारे क्रियाकलाप स्वाद पाने के लिए ही हो रहे हैं| मैं किसी भी वस्तु से, पिजा खा के, टीवी देख कर, घूम फिर के, गाने सुन के, लोगों के साथ समय बिता कर तथा कई अन्य क्रियाकलाप कर के स्वाद पाने की आशा रखता हूँ तथा वह स्वाद पा कर उसे निरंतर बनाये रखने की आशा लगता हूँ| पर ऐसा भी देखने मैं आता है की उनमें से किसी भी वस्तु से मुझे स्वाद की निरंतरता नहीं मिलती| जब किसी वस्तु से मिलने वाले स्वाद की निरंतरता भंग होने लगती है तो मैं किसी दूसरी वस्तु से स्वाद पाने की आशा लगाता हूँ| जैसे पिजा का स्वाद, जैसे जैसे मेरा पेट भरने लगता है पिजा का स्वाद कम होने लगता है, फिर मैं किसी दूसरे तरह के स्वाद की आशा लगाता हूँ, फिर मैं गाने सुनने लगाता हूँ या कुछ और करने लगता हूँ| गाने सुनने में या कुछ और करने में भी में कुछ ही समय में बोर हो जाता हूँ फिर मुझे किसी और स्रोत से स्वाद की इच्छा उठती है|

इस प्रयोग तथा विश्लेषण ने मेरे मन में और भी काफ़ी सारे सवाल खड़े कर दिए, आखिर यह सब हो क्या रहा है? यह सब अपने आप ही कैसे हो रहा है? मेरा मन उसी तरह से क्यों भाग रहा है जैसे की वह भगा और किसी तरह से क्यों नहीं? आखिर ये सब क्यों हो रहा है? इत्यादी| थोड़ा अनुसंधान करने पर तथा अन्य कुछ और लोगों से बात करने पर मैंने पाया की मेरा मन उन्ही जगहों पर भागता है जिनको मैंने महत्त्वपूर्ण मान रखा होता है| जहाँ पर मुझे स्वाद मिलने की आशा होती है, वहीं मेरा मन भागता है, उन्ही को मैं महत्त्वपूर्ण मनाता हूँ| जिन चीजों को मैं महत्त्वपूर्ण मानता हूँ, जिन चीजों से मैं प्रभावित होता हूँ, मेरा मन उन्ही चीजों की उधेड़बुन मैं लगा रहता है| मेरे मन मैं जितने भी विचार, जितनी भी इच्छाएं उठती हैं वे सब इसी आधार पर काम कर रही होती हैं| मेरी सारी इच्छा, विचार, आशाएं इसी आधार पर काम कर रही हैं, ऐसा देखने मैं आता है|

यहाँ पर दूसरा प्रश्न जो खड़ा होता है वह यह है की मैंने कुछ विशेष चीजों को महत्त्वपूर्ण तथा कुछ अन्य चीजों को अमहत्वपूर्ण क्यों मान रखा है? आश्चर्य की बात तो यह है की कुछ चीजों को महत्त्वपूर्ण मानना, कुछ चीजों को अमहत्वपूर्ण मानना, ये सब मैंने किया और मुझे पता ही नहीं है की मैं यह सब कर भी रहा हूँ| मेरा मन अपने आप उन सभी विषय वस्तुओं की तरफ़ भाग रहा है जिन्हें मैं महत्त्वपूर्ण मान रहा हूँ और मुझे ख़ुद को ही यह पता नहीं रहता की मैंने उन वस्तुओं को महत्त्वपूर्ण मान रखा है| स्वप्न मैं भी ऐसा ही होता है| मुझे स्वप्न मैं भी वही सब वस्तुएं दिखाई देती हैं जिनके बारे में मैं अक्सर विचार किया करता हूँ या कुछ हद तक महत्त्वपूर्ण मानता हूँ| जब मैंने अपने मन को उन विषय वस्तुओं की तरफ़ भागता हुआ देखा तब मेरा ध्यान गया की मैंने उन वस्तुओं को अपने जीवन मैं निश्चय ही एक उच्च स्थान दिया हुआ है|

यहाँ तक यह तो देखने मैं आ गया की मैं कुछ वस्तुओं को महत्त्वपूर्ण तथा अन्य को अमहत्वपूर्व मान रहा हूँ, पर मेरे अन्दर ऐसा क्यों हो रहा है, इसका विश्लेषण अभी बाकी है| मैंने ऐसा पाया की सुख की आशा मुझ मैं निरंतर बनी रहती है| मैं निरंतर सुखपूर्वक जीना चाहता हूँ| हर क्षण सुख चाहता हूँ| सुखी होने और सुखी होकर जीने की चाहना मुझ में नित्य वर्तमान है| इस चाहनावश मैं कई वस्तुओं में सुख ढूँढने का प्रयास करता हूँ| जिन वस्तुओं से मुझे सुख की आशा रहती है उन वस्तुओं को मैं महत्त्वपूर्ण मानता हूँ, तथा जिन चीजों से मुझे दुःख पहुच रहा होता है उन चीजों से छुटकारा पाने के नए नए तरीके मैं सोचता रहता हूँ| जब तक मैं अपने किसी विशेष दुःख के कारण को ढूँढ नहीं लेता और उससे छुटकारा नहीं पा लेता मैं उसे भूल नहीं पाता, मेरा मन उसी मैं लगा रहता है, उससे छुटकारा पा लेना चाहता है| यह देख कर भी ये प्रमाणित होता है की सुखपूर्वक जीने की चाहना मुझे मैं निरंतर बनी हुई है, जब मैं सुखी होता हूँ तो मैं उसी स्थिति मैं निरंतर रहना चाहता हूँ, और जब मैं दुखी होता हूँ तो मैं उस स्थिति से बाहर निकल जाना चाहता हूँ, और वापस से सुखी हो जाना चाहता हूँ| चाहना तो हमेशा मेरी सुख की ही है| मेरे सारे क्रियाकलाप, सारी इच्छाएं, विचार, आशाएं इसी एक उद्देश्य को प्राप्त करने के लिए कार्यरत हैं| इस निरंतर सुखपूर्वक जीने की आशा को पूरा करने के लिए मुझे किसी ऐसी वस्तु की आवश्यकता है जिसमें निरंतर सुख का स्वभाव हो| सही समझ तथा संबंध का भाव ऐसी दो वस्तुएं बताई जाती हैं जिनसे निरंतर सुख मिलने की संभावना है|

प्रतियोगी या सहयोगी?

अक्सर ऐसा होता है कि किसी व्यक्ति के हमारे ऊपर कुछ टिपण्णी कर देने पर हम परेशान हो जाते हैं, उस व्यक्ति पर संदेह करने लगते हैं| संदेह की भावना हमें तो परेशान करती ही है, साथ ही साथ हमें वह व्यक्ति भी अपने विरोधी अथवा प्रतियोगी की तरह दिखने लग जाता है| अक्सर ऐसा तब होता है जब हमारे आसपास का कोई व्यक्ति हमें कुछ ऐसी बात कह देता है जिसकी अपेक्षा हम उस व्यक्ति से नहीं रखते या जब दूसरे व्यक्ति को हमने पहले से ही अपने प्रतियोगी या विरोधी की तरह स्वीकारा रहता है| जब हम ऐसा कुछ सुनते हैं तो अक्सर हमारे मन में संदेह उत्पन्न हो जाता है, की पता नहीं उस व्यक्ति के मन में मेरे प्रति क्या अवधारणा बनी हुई है?, पता नहीं क्या हो गया?, ऐसी तो इस व्यक्ति से अपेक्षा नहीं थी!, वह व्यक्ति मुझे परेशान करना चाहता है, इत्यादी| यह संदेह की भावना धीरे धीरे मेरे मन में दूसरे व्यक्ति के प्रति विरोध की भावना को जन्म देती है और फिर वह विरोध का भाव मुझे परेशान करते रहता है, मेरी उर्जा खाते रहता है|

यहाँ पर प्रश्न यह खड़ा होता है कि दूसरे व्यक्ति की टिपण्णी से मुझे परेशानी क्यों हो रही है? ऐसा देखने में आता है कि जब कोई व्यक्ति मुझे कुछ कहता है, तब उसके केवल दो ही आशय हो सकते हैं, या तो वह मेरे भले के लिए, मुझे कुछ समझाने के लिए मुझसे कुछ कह रहा है या फिर वह वह मुझे नीचा दिखाने के लिए या मुझे परेशान करने के लिए कुछ कह रहा है| या तो वह मुझे कुछ समझा कर सुखी करना चाहता है या फिर मुझे ताना मारकर दुखी करना चाहता है| जब मुझे ऐसा लगता है कि सामने वाला व्यक्ति मुझे समझाने के लिए कह रहा है, मेरी भलाई के लिए कह रहा है, तो मैं परेशान नहीं होता, बल्कि मैं उसकी बात ध्यान से सुनता हूँ और अपनी गलतियों को अगर मैं कुछ पकड़ पाता हूँ तो मानता हूँ, स्वीकार कर लेता हूँ तथा दूसरे व्यक्ति को मैं अपने सहयोगी की तरह स्वीकारता हूँ|

जब मुझे ऐसा लगता है कि दूसरा व्यक्ति मुझे ताना मारने के लिए, मुझे दुखी करने के लिए मुझसे कुछ कह रहा है तो मैं परेशान हो जाता हूँ, उसकी कही बात के आधार पर मैं स्वयं का मूल्यांकन करके स्वयं को नीचा पाता हूँ, हीनता का भाव मेरे अन्दर जन्म लेने लगता है तथा मैं दूसरे व्यक्ति को अपने विरोधी अथवा प्रतियोगी की तरह देखने लग जाता हूँ| विरोध अथवा प्रतियोगिता का भाव मेरे अन्दर काफ़ी परेशानी को जन्म देता है और मुझे दूसरे व्यक्ति को नीचा दिखाने तथा परेशान करने के नए नए तरीके तथा वाद विवाद में जीतने के नए तरीके इजाद करने के लिए प्रेरित करता है| काफ़ी समय और उर्जा इसमें नष्ट होती है और मुझे परेशान करती है|

यहाँ पर ध्यान देने वाली चीज़ जो मुझे नज़र आती है, दूसरा व्यक्ति मुझे परेशान करने की चेष्टा तभी करता है जब वह ख़ुद ही परेशान हो या मुझे उसके प्रतियोगी अथवा विरोधी की तरह देखता हो| मैं स्वयं में यह देख पाता हूँ की जब मैं ख़ुद परेशान होता हूँ तो मेरा व्यवहार दूसरों के प्रति बदल जाता है, कई बार मैं दूसरों को अनजाने मैं अपनी परेशानिवश परेशान भी कर देता हूँ| जब मैं दुखी होता हूँ तो दूसरों को मैं सुखी नहीं कर पाता और उनको ना चाहते हुए भी दुखी कर बैठता हूँ| दूसरी चीज़ जो मुझे नज़र आती है वह है की जब मैं दूसरे को अपने विरोधी अथवा प्रतियोगी की तरह देखता हूँ तब भी मैं दुखी ही होता हूँ| मेरे मन में हर समय यही विचार चल रहा होता है की किस तरह से मैं उस व्यक्ति से किसी भी प्रतियोगिता मैं जीत जाऊँ, किस तरह से मैं उस व्यक्ति को नीचा दिखाऊँ, किस तरह से मैं उस व्यक्ति को परेशान करूँ| यहाँ पर मैं यह देख पाता हूँ की विरोध अथवा प्रतियोगिता का भाव किस तरह से मुझे परेशान करता है, किस तरह से मेरे विचारों को हर समय घेरा रहता है, किस तरह से मुझ मे असुरक्षा का भाव उत्पन्न करता है और किस तरह से मुझे पीड़ा देता है| जब मैं ख़ुद दुखी होता हूँ तो दूसरों को दुखी ही करता हूँ| जब मे ख़ुद सुखी होता हूँ तब ही मैं दूसरों को सुखी कर पाता हूँ| उसी तरह जब दूसरा व्यक्ति ख़ुद दुखी होता है तो वह मुझे सुखी नहीं कर पाता|

यहाँ पर ऐसा देखने मे आता है की मेरी चाहना तो दूसरे को हमेशा सुखी करने की ही होती है पर जब मैं स्वयं में परेशान होता हूँ तो दूसरे को सुखी नहीं कर पाता उल्टा दुखी कर बैठता हूँ| उसी तरह दूसरे की चाहना भी मुझे सुखी करने की ही है परन्तु जब वह ख़ुद में ही परेशान होता है तब वह मुझे भी सुखी नहीं कर पाता उल्टा दुखी कर बैठता है| जब दूसरा व्यक्ति मुझे दुखी कर बैठता है तब मैं अगर उससे यह अनुमान लगता हूँ की वह मुझे दुखी करना चाहता था, तो में भी परेशान हो जाता हूँ तथा बदले या विरोध का भाव मुझ में आ जाता है| पर अगर मैं यह समझ पाता हूँ की वह मुझे दुखी नहीं करना चाहता था बल्कि वह अभी ख़ुद दुखी है इसलिए मुझे सुखी नहीं कर पा रहा है तो मेरा आराम बना रहता है और में उस व्यक्ति को अपने विरोधी की तरह नहीं देखता, मेरे मन में विरोध का भाव नहीं आता, मुझे परेशानी नहीं होती, बल्कि मैं उस व्यक्ति के प्रति जिम्मेदार महसूस करता हूँ तथा उसकी समझ विकसित करने में भागीदारी करता हूँ| दूसरा व्यक्ति भी ऐसा ही करता है|

दूसरे व्यक्ति की चाहना के प्रति पूर्ण आश्वस्ति कहलाती है, विश्वास| विश्वास का आभाव ही संबंधों में तनावों का कारण है|

संदेह (Doubt)

जब भी मेरे मन में मेरे आस पास के किसी व्यक्ति के प्रति संदेह उत्पन्न होता है, तो मैं परेशान हो जाता हूँ| संदेह मेरे मन मे तब उत्पन्न होता है जब मुझे ऐसा लगता है की दूसरे व्यक्ति का आचरण अथवा विचार मेरे प्रति बदलने लगा है| जब मेरे मन में संदेह आता है तो वह मेरी आंखों पर एक काला चश्मा लग जाने जैसा होता है| जिस व्यक्ति के प्रति संदेह उत्पन्न होता है उसके पूरे आचरण, विचार, कार्य, व्यवहार को मैं उस काले चश्मे के माध्यम से देखता हूँ और काला पाता हूँ| उसकी हर गतिविधि पर संदेह करता हूँ और दुखी होता हूँ| मन मे उस व्यक्ति के प्रति कई बुरे विचार आने लगते हैं| काम करते करते उस व्यक्ति का ध्यान आ जाता है और मुझे परेशान करता है| मेरा आचरण और विचार भी उस व्यक्ति के प्रति धीरे धीरे बदलने लगता है| धीरे धीरे मे उस व्यक्ति से दूर जाने लगता हूँ और उस व्यक्ति से सम्बन्ध का भाव मेरे मन मे कम होने लगता है| उस संदेह की भवनावश कुछ ही समय मे मैं उस दूसरे व्यक्ति को अपने विरोधी की तरह देखने लग जाता हूँ|

जब मैंने स्वयं में ऐसा पाया तो उसके कारण को जांचने का मैंने प्रयास किया| मैंने यह जानने का प्रयास किया की मेरे अन्दर ऐसा हो क्यों रहा है? कुछ आत्मावलोकन करने पर दो कारण मुझे कुछ समझ में आए| पहला, मैं स्वयं को उस तरह से देखता हूँ जैसा मुझे मेरे आस पास के लोग देखते हैं| अपने आस पास के लोगों की नज़रों से मैं स्वयं को देखता हूँ| जब वे मुझे अच्छा देखते हैं, या फिर जब वे मुझे वैसा देखते हैं जैसा मैं ख़ुद अपने आप को देखता हूँ तो मुझे अच्छा लगता है, अन्यथा मुझे अच्छा नहीं लगता| उनके किए मूल्यांकन के अनुसार जब मैं स्वयं को स्वयं के ही किए मूल्यांकन से कम पाता हूँ तो मुझ मे हीनता की भावना आ जाती है| और जब मे स्वयं को स्वयं के ही किए मूल्यांकन से ज्यादा पाता हूँ तो मुझ मे अंहकार की भावना पनपने लगती है| हीनता अथवा अंहकार दोनों ही मेरे दुःख का कारण बनते हैं|

किसी भी सम्बन्ध मे मेरी मेरे संबंधियों से ऐसी अपेक्षा रहती है की वे मुझे स्वीकार लें और स्वीकार ही रहे| मैं किसी भी संबंध मे निरपेक्ष स्वीकृति की अपेक्षा रखता हूँ| जबकि मुझे मैं अपने संबंधियों को निरपेक्ष रूप से स्वीकार कर लेने की अहर्ता नहीं है| निरपेक्ष स्वीकृति तभी सम्भव है जब उसका आधार निश्चित,समान तथा निरंतर हो| शायद ऐसे किसी आधार को मैं अभी अच्छे से पहचान नहीं पाया हूँ| गौर करने पर मैंने पाया की निरपेक्ष स्वीकृति की इस अपेक्षा में मेरी ऐसी भी अपेक्षा रहती है की मुझे उस तरह से स्वीकार किया जाए जैसे मैं चाहता हूँ| जैसा मैं स्वयं को देखता हूँ मुझे वैसा देखा जाए, और मुझ मे बदलाव के साथ साथ अन्य लोगों का मुझे देखने का नज़रिया भी बदलता रहे| जब मुझे वैसा देखा जाता है तो मुझे निरपेक्ष स्वीकृति महसूस होती है अन्यथा नहीं होती और मुझ मे हीन भावना बलवती होने लगती है| इतनी अपेक्षाएं रख रहा हूँ मैं और अन्य लोगों की अपेक्षाओं को मैं अक्सर उनकी गैर जिम्मेदारी अथवा परतंत्रता कह दिया करता हूँ|

दूसरा कारण जो मुझे समंझ में आता है वह है, जब में दूसरे व्यक्ति की चाहना पर संदेह करता हूँ तब मैं परेशान हो जाता हूँ| जब भी मुझे ऐसा लगता है की दूसरा व्यक्ति मुझे दुःख पहुचना चाहता है, तो मेरे मन मैं बना उस व्यक्ति के लिए विरोध का भाव मुझे परेशान करता है| जब भी मुझे ऐसा लगता है की मेरे दुखो के लिए अन्य जिम्मेदार हैं, मैं परेशान हो जाता हूँ, क्रोध मुझे मैं जन्म लेने लगता है और मुझे परेशान करने लगता है|

विश्वास तथा सम्मान की जो परिभाषाएं सुनने मैं आती हैं वह हैं,
विश्वास: स्वयं/दूसरे की चाहना के प्रति पूर्ण आश्वस्ति कहलाती है, विश्वास|
सम्मान: स्वयं का स्वयं के ही द्वारा किया गया सही सही मूल्यांकन कहलाता है, सम्मान|
इन परिभाषाओं के अनुसार, विश्वास के साथ सम्मान स्वतः ही है, क्यूकि स्वयं का मूल्यांकन स्वयं की चाहना तथा मूल्य का मूल्यांकन ही है|
शायद समझ की इसी कमी के कारण मुझ मैं दीनता, हीनता, अंहकार तथा अन्य पीडायें जन्म ले रही हैं| शायद अभी तक पूरी तरह से मैंने अपना मूल्यांकन सही से किया नहीं है|

अस्वीकृति (Rejection)

जब भी मुझे यह महसूस होता है की मेरे किसी प्रियजन के मन में मेरे प्रति अस्वीकृति का भाव है, या उनके मन में मेरे प्रति स्वीकृति में अनिश्चितता आ गई है तो में परेशान हो जाता हूँ| अपने प्रियजनों से स्वीकृति की भूख मुझ में हमेशा ही बनी रहती है| यह एक ऐसी भूख है जो मेरी भोजन की भूख से बिल्कुल अलग है| भोजन की भूख को तों में फिर भी थोडी देर बर्दाश्त कर सकता हूँ, पर अस्वीकृति से मिलने वाली निराशा को एक पल भी नहीं| बल्कि उस अस्वीकृति से मिली निराशा को अच्छा स्वादिष्ट भोजन भी शांत नहीं कर सकता| सब कुछ नीरस लगाने लगता है| काम में मन नहीं लगता| ऐसी है इस अस्वीकृति की प्रताड़ना|

मेरी मेरे प्रियजनों से ऐसी आशा रहती है की वे मुझे स्वीकार लें और स्वीकारें ही रहे| अगर मुझे अपने प्रियजनों से स्वीकृति में जरा सी भी अनिश्चितता महसूस होती है तो मेरे मन मैं कई सारे सवाल खड़े हो जाते हैं| “पता नहीं क्या हो गया?”, “कहीं उन्हें मेरी उस बात का बुरा तो नहीं लगा”, “ना जाने क्या चल रहा है उनके मन मैं मेरे लिए” इस तरह के प्रश्नों तथा अनिश्चितताओं से मैं घिरा रहता हूँ| मैं, मैं नहीं रहता| मैं उनकी स्वीकृति पाने के लिए कुछ और हो जाता हूँ, कुछ भी करने को तैयार हो जाता हूँ| ऐसा असर है इस अस्वीकृति की भावना का|

अक्सर ऐसा देखने में आया है की मेरे मन में ये अपने प्रियजन से अस्वीकृति का भय तब आता है, जब मेरे किसी प्रियजन का कार्य या व्यवहार मेरे प्रति बदलने लगता है| उनके कार्य और व्यवहार में बदलाव ही मेरे मन में अनिश्चितता पैदा करता है| उस अनिश्चितता से मेरे मन में उनके प्रति संदेह उत्पन्न होता है की कहीं उनके मन में मेरे प्रति कोई ग़लत अवधारणा तो नहीं आ गई? वो संदेह मेरे मन में भय उत्पन्न करता है, संबध खो देने का भय, अस्वीकार कर दिए जाने का भय, ग़लत समझे जाने का भय| वह भय ही मेरे दुःख का कारण बनता है|

यहाँ पर देखने में यह आता है कि मेरे प्रियजनों का कार्य व्यवहार बदलने पर मेरे मन में भय उत्पन्न होता है व सम्बन्ध के प्रति मेरे मन में अनिश्चितता उत्पन्न होती है| ऐसा अक्सर इसलिए होता है क्योकि सम्बन्ध के प्रति मेरे मन में स्वीकृति का आधार सामने वाले व्यक्ति का कार्य और व्यवहार बना रहता है| जब तक उनका कार्य और व्यवहार मेरे प्रति अच्छा बना रहता है तब तक मैं उन्हें स्वीकारे रहता हूँ परन्तु थोड़ा सा भी बदलाव आने पर मेरे मन में उनके प्रति अस्वीकृति का भाव आ जाता है| मेरे मन में आया अस्वीकृति का भाव ही मेरे दुःख का कारण बनता है| जैसे जब एक छोटा बच्चा जब मुझसे दुर्व्यवहार करता है तो मुझे दुःख नहीं पहुचाता, मुझे यह समझ मैं आता है कि वह अभी समझदार नहीं है इसलिए मुझसे ऐसा व्यवहार कर रहा है, जबकि जब कोई बड़ा व्यक्ति मुझसे दुर्व्यवहार करता है तब मेरा संदेह उसकी चाहना पर चला जाता है कि “वह व्यक्ति मुझे दुःख पहुचना चाहता था!”| जैसे ही मैं चाहना पर संदेह करता हूँ मुझे दुःख पहुचता है|

दूसरे व्यक्ति की चाहना के प्रति पूर्ण आश्वस्ति कहलाती है, विश्वास| जब मेरे मन में थोड़ा सा भी अविश्वास उत्पन्न होता है में परेशान हो जाता हूँ| जब भी में दूसरे व्यक्ति की चाहना पर संदेह करता हूँ, मुझे दुख पहुचाता है| दूसरे व्यक्ति की चाहना को समझने के लिए मुझे एक मनुष्य के मूल स्वरुप को समझने की जरूरत है, उसकी मूल चाहना को समझने की जरूरत है| मनुष्य की मूल चाहना को स्वाध्याय से ही समझा जा सकता है| उसके उपरांत ही मैं एक मनुष्य पर विश्वास कर सकता हूँ| उसके पहले मेरे विश्वास मैं निश्चितता नहीं होती, और मैं भय व दुःख से पीड़ित रहता हूँ|

इंसान अपने जीने के हर आयाम में सुख, सुख की निश्चितता व उस निश्चितता की निरंतरता चाहता है| मनुष्य सुख, शान्ति, संतोष, आनंद चाहता है| स्वयं के विचारों में सामरस्यता व समाधान, संबंधों में उभय तृप्ति, समाज में अभय व प्रकृति में सह-अस्तित्व, मनुष्य की मूल चाहना है| जीवन मैं सुख से जुड़े सवालों के उत्तर पाने के लिए और सुखी हो जाने के लिए मनुष्य को ज्ञान चाहिए| ज्ञान के तीन स्तर हैं,
१. स्वयं का ज्ञान|
२. अस्तित्व का ज्ञान|
३. मानवीयता पूर्ण आचरण का ज्ञान|

Trust!

Total assurance that the Intentions of the other person are unconditionally good, is called Trust!

Generally when it comes to Trusting people then we do it by seeing their work and behavior. We set different criterias for declaring a person good or bad. When a person fits into some or more of those criterias we set a level of Trust to them. When I see that, “Yes this person seems to have nice behavior with me”, “he talks to me well”, “he helps me when I am in need”, “he understands me when I tell him my problems”, “he doesn’t leak my secrets to others” etc. then I Trust the person. Criterias may be different or similar but the method is generally the same.

Here the criteria of my Trust on other person is his behavior and work with me and others. Now as soon as the behavior or work of the person changes or differs even a bit then my Trust shakes. As soon as I see that there is some change in work or behavior then it bring uncertainty within me about the intentions of the person, which shakes my Trust. As soon as my Trust is shakened I feel hurt and uncomfortable. I feel very uncertain about the intentions of the other person and that uncertainty makes me unhappy. “Why he is behaving this way?”, “Why did he do this to me?”, “What happened to him?”, “I care for everybody but people do not give me back the same!”, “Why did he lie to me?”, “Why he is giving more priority to that guy these days?”, “He doesn’t care about me!”, “This relationship itself is a big problem” etc. kinds of uncertainties and doubts start coming into my mind. Uncertainty creates doubt, doubt creates fear, and fear is the source of unhappiness.

These kind of uncertainties make me to doubt on the intentions of the other person. As soon as I doubt on the intentions I get hurt. For example, when a small child says me something badly then I do not get hurt because I do not doubt on the intentions but rather I feel that the small kid lacks the competence thats why he is behaving that way. I rather feel responsible towards the small kid and try to help him increasing his competence by teaching him the way he should behave. But, when it comes to a elder person or my friend, when he behaves with me badly then I get hurt because I am uncertain about the intentions and ultimately doubt on them. I feel, “he wanted to hurt me!” or something similar. I expect more maturity in the work and behavior of an elderly person, so when his work and behavior changes then my expectations are violated. Those expectations of maturity in the work and behavior of the other person was the basis of my Trust, so when they change I doubt on the intentions and ultimately the Trust is shakened and I feel hurt.

The thing here to note is, in case of small child I did not feel bad or I did not get hurt, but in case of elderly man I got hurt. In case of small child I did doubt on the competence of the kid but not on the intentions so I did not get hurt, but in case of elderly man I doubted the intentions so I got hurt. It is not the other person who hurts me, but when I doubt on the intentions I feel hurt.

I get hurt, when I doubt or am uncertain about the intentions of the other person.

This is bound to happen till the time my basis of Trust on the person is his behavior and work. By Trusting other this way, the other person’s work and behavior becomes the source of my happiness and unhappiness. Other person gets the remote of my happiness. I want remote of my happiness in my own hands, for that to happen I want such a basis for my Trust which has certainty. Currently the basis of my Trust is the work and behavior of other person. Work and behavior of other person might be uncertain due to any reason. I can not force other person to keep behaving the same way in entire life. His behavior may change due to many reasons, due to his own problems, pressures, fears etc. The basis of my Trust here in itself might have uncertainty, so my Trust for other person is bound to have uncertainty with this basis.

When I Trust other person on the basis of his behavior and work then unknowingly I apply a condition on the behavior and work of other person that it should be certain, consistent and continuous. When this condition brakes I get hurt. I say, “No body is reliable, people are not worth Trusting! so be practical if you want to survive in the society”. Same thing happens with us also, we do not want to break the Trust of others so we try to make our behavior and work consistent in spite of having bad feelings about the others and feel suffocated. Ultimately we conclude, “This relationship itself is a problem!”

For my Trust for the other person, to have certainty, consistency and continuity, the basis of my Trust should be certain, consistent and continuous.

In most of the cases we judge the intentions of the other person by seeing his actions and competence. If I am able to see that

The other person wants to live with happiness,

His all the works are happening for the sake of happiness and continuity of it only,

He wants to make himself happy as well as me happy and this feeling of being happy is ever actively present in him,

Feeling of being in relationships is ever actively present in him same as me, and all the human interactions are happening for the sake of ensuring the relationships or acceptance,

Other person wants to live with knowledge same as me, and it is only omni-dimensional  resolution which can give happiness and continuity to a human being,

then I understand that the other person is like me, and his basic nature is same as me! and it is absolute. His basic desires are absolute and good. All his other desires and thoughts are the outcome of these basic desires. He wants to do good but is unable to do it. He lacks competence the same way I lack competence. When I see that the intentions of the other person are good and absolute then I get a basis for my Trust which is absolute in itself! then my Trust also becomes absolute, and it gives me continuity of happiness in relationships.

The basic desire or basic intention of a human being is absolute and good and is same for all human beings. When basis of my Trust for other human being is such an absolute thing then my Trust becomes unshakable because the foundation of it is unshakable, the foundation of it is certain, consistent, continuous and is ever actively present.

This is called Trust. When I have Trust, no body can hurt me. My behavior becomes certain, consistent and good with others because I do not mistrust their intentions which is fulfilling to them also.

Till the time I understand the basic nature of a human being, I lack Trust, but the need for relationships remain the same. So the only way to ensure good relationships with others is to have good communication with others. Communication resolves the problems. In most of the cases we doubt on the intentions of others and do not resolve the problems with them, which creates a lot of accumulation in us and causes hurt. The best way to resolve the problem is to talk to other person.

Till the time I am unable to see the basic nature of a human being, I lack Trust, I try to fulfill my lacking with the expectation of others Trusting me. I seek other people’s Trust when I lack Trust within myself for others, and when I have Trust within myself I find everybody related to me. Since I am unable to see the basic nature so my basis of Trust on other human being remain their behavior and work, which has inconsistency, which shakes my Trust and I keep on getting hurt. So the only option which I am left with is to understand the basic nature of a human being, that is to understand myself and to have Trust rather than to expect Trust.

It is not about getting Trust from others, it is about having Trust for others.

To understand Trust, Respect, Relationships, Happiness we need knowledge.

Knowledge includes

Knowledge of the self.

Knowledge of the existence

and Knowledge of the Natural Human Conduct.

Relationships!

I am with you no matter what!

I will always be there for you no matter what!

Relationship says this!

We see that we have many relationships like parents, relatives, friends and many more. We make new friends. We give different priorities to different friends. We classify our friends in different categories of Best, Close, Normal, Acquaintance etc. If we observe it closely then we come to know that the friends whom we call our best friends are generally those who accept us unconditionally! With whom we have assurance that he/she is there for me no matter what! He/she will be there for me no matter what!

The thing which now comes for analysis is, “What is this Unconditional Acceptance?”

Unconditional Acceptance, as the words themselves suggest, Acceptance without any condition. When there is no condition in acceptance then such kind of acceptance has continuity. Such kind of acceptance never fades out with time.

When I accept somebody unconditionally then it gives assurance to the other person,

I am there for you and will be there for you, no matter what!

I will always Trust your intentions, no matter what!

I will always Respect you for what you are, no matter what!

We see that we all want Unconditional Acceptance in relationships. This feeling of being accepted unconditionally is there within all of us, it is ever actively present in all of us.

I can not afford to be mistrusted by anybody.

In fact when we feel the uncertainty of acceptance from even a single person, we feel uncomfortable. When we don’t get unconditional acceptance we try to fulfill the conditions made by the other person for acceptance. In case of uncertainty of acceptance from others or conditional acceptance from others we start pretending, we start losing our own real self, we start wearing different masks in front of different people, and it makes us unhappy within. It makes us do those things which we really do not want to do and many a times does not allow doing those things which we really want to do. Ultimately we feel suffocated in relationships and feel that the relationship itself is the problem! And same happens with the other person when we do not unconditionally accept other person, because desire to be accepted unconditionally is his basic desire also.

Suffocation in relationship is not tolerable to anybody. Everybody wants to come out of Pressures, Fears, Suffocation etc. In relationships we feel totally free when we get unconditional acceptance. That is what we always want in relationships. Feeling of getting unconditional acceptance from everybody is our basic desire.

In fact if I see it closely then if I have unconditional acceptance for the other person and I feel uncertainty of acceptance from the other person then it does not affect me rather I feel responsible for the other person and try to help him with his misconceptions. I remain comfortable within myself when I have unconditional acceptance for the other person. Its only when my acceptance for the other person shakes I feel uncomfortable. When I doubt the intentions of the other person I get hurt. When I doubt the intentions of the other person my acceptance for him is lost. For example, when a mad person abuses me I do not get hurt because I go ahead with the assumption that he lacks competence or knowledge thats why he is doing so and I do not doubt on the intention that “he wanted to hurt me”, but when my relative or my friend abuse me I get hurt. In case of my friends and relatives I assume that “They wanted to hurt me!”. I doubt on the intention. As soon as I doubt on the intention I get hurt. In most of the cases my acceptance for the other person is dependent on the fact that other person has accepted me, so when I see the uncertainty of acceptance in other person for me, then my acceptance for him also shakes. When I lack acceptance, when there is uncertainty in my acceptance for the other person, when I doubt on the intention, when my doubt goes beyond just the competence of the other person, when I could not understand why other person did something, when I am perplexed and uncertain about the intention of other, I get hurt. It makes me unhappy.

I want my happiness. I want to certainty, consistency and continuity in my happiness. So, I can not afford to doubt on the intention of the other person. Assurance that intentions of the other person are good, is called Trust. When my Trust for the other person shakes I get hurt. When I have my Trust for the other person and then other person misbehaves with me I do not get hurt. I rather try to resolve his misconception calmly, without having any discomfort within myself.

To ensure my happiness and continuity of it, I can not afford to mistrust anybody.

Relationships give me Security. Feeling of being related to everybody gives me continuity of happiness.

We all want such kind of friends who can give us unconditional acceptance, but we lack the competence to give others the same kind of acceptance. Our intention is to get unconditional acceptance from others but we lack the competence to give it. This barrier between intention and competence can be broken down by Knowledge. We need to increase our knowledge to increase our competence so that we can accept people unconditionally, to Trust them unconditionally.
Knowledge includes

Knowledge of the Self.

It includes, what I really want? What is my basic desire?

Knowledge of the Existence.

It includes, what is my role in existence? understanding of harmony in existence.

which leads to, Knowledge of Natural Human Conduct.

And Knowledge of Relationships include knowledge of various values or feelings involved in relationships like Trust, Respect, Affection, Care, Guidance, Reverence, Glory, Gratitude and Love.

If we see then we find that most of the problems in the society are due to lack of understanding of relationships. This lack of understanding is within most of us. It is only this understanding which can lead to undivided society.

How do I Judge myself?

We all judge ourselves. Generally the purpose of judging is Self “Improvement”. Why do we want to improve ourselves? The basic idea or assumption behind self improvement is, “If I improve myself then I can be more happy”. Happiness and continuity of it is something which we want. We all want to be continuously happy.

Generally when it comes to judging ourselves then we do that by comparing ourselves with “others”. “Others” are generally the basis of judgment of ourselves. When we judge ourselves on the basis of others then it gives rise to Inferiority/Superiority. When we feel inferior we try to do something to become superior, and when we feel superior then we take pride in it and try to dominate those to whom we feel superior. It may be possible that we feel inferior to some people and superior to others. Generally we compare ourselves with the people with whom we interact more.

The basic thing which is needed to be analyzed here is what is this feeling of inferiority or superiority? and how does it come?

In my opinion I might feel inferior when I feel the uncertainty of getting respect from other and I might feel superior when I feel certainty of it due to any reason. So, we come to know that it is “Respect” which plays an important role in the feeling of Inferiority or Superiority.

If we try to analyze Respect then we come to know that we all want Respect. Need of Respect is continuous in us i.e. we want Respect continuously. This feeling of getting respect from others drives us in doing many such things which we do not want to do and sometimes it makes us not to do those things which we really want to do!!

I remember it was my cousin’s marriage. Father of my cousin did not have much to spend on the reception and other things. but being a girl’s father and that also in an elite society he was in Peer Pressure to give such a reception which couldn’t afford, but still he did. He took loans from banks, from his relatives and many other people just to confirm to the “standards”. He had a feeling that if he does not do so then he will loose “Respect”, so ultimately he gave a reception which was even above the “standards”. Now after 5-6 years of marriage, the situation in girl’s father’s house is, he is still in a big loan and his business is same sluggish as it was before and he thinks twice before buying even the daily needed things like grocery and all.

This was just one, not-so-high example. There are several examples like this where we make “others” around us as basis of judgment of ourselves and feel Inferior/Superior which leads to Competitions and Peer Pressures. Ultimately this Peer Pressure or Competition or feeling to avoid Inferiority or feeling to prove superiority becomes the driver of our thoughts. It becomes driver of almost all of our decisions and we keep on doing things which others around us are doing or whatever “others” dictate, just to keep on getting “Respect” from them!!

It is this feeling of getting or maintaining Respect from others around, we do a lot many wrong things also, which ultimately leads to corruption. Like, if my neighbor has a bigger car than me then I start feeling inferior. Now I need a bigger car to get back my lost respect. I don’t have much money to buy a bigger car, but I want it on any cost. My current salary in my job can not draw me a bigger car, so I try to find out some other ways of earning money. I start stealing tax, I start showing wrong medical bills, I start taking bribes and a lot many things which ultimately contribute to corruption. Ultimately after doing all these things when I get the bigger car I get back my “Respect” but only till the time my neighbor buys a more bigger car than my new car and in this way this vicious circle never ends. In this case also if we see then we come to know that, it is “car” which is being respected and not the person.

If we see in a bigger view then we come to know that, it all starts from the feeling of getting more and more Respect from others. It is this feeling of getting Respect in ourselves makes us to compare ourselves with “others”, which makes us feel either inferior or superior or both. It is this feeling of Inferiority/Superiority which creates “Peer Pressure” on us, which ultimately leads to corruption. Its a chain

Feeling of getting Respect from others leads to

Comparison leads to

Inferiority/Superiority leads to

Peer Pressure leads to

Corruption.

Those who have become corrupt, motivate others also to become corrupt and earn easy money. People compare themselves with those others who have become corrupt and are earning more and more money and again feel inferior and this chain ultimately becomes a vicious circle.

We all, almost all of us are suffering from this problem and fit somewhere in between the above chain. To come out of this chain there is necessity to understand “Respect”. We know that we want Respect continuously, so in current scenario to make respect continuous we will need to show ourselves superior to others continuously, which creates nothing but a self-destructive society as we have already seen. This reinforces the necessity to question and understand the definition of “Respect”.

As we have seen above generally we make possessions of the other person as the basis of Respecting him rather than the person himself. Possessions of a person includes his material and non-material possession like his property, car, house, salary, designation in his job, religion, caste, country, language, gender, build of the body, his ideology etc.

Till the time we keep on making possessions of a person as basis of judgment of person we keep on disrespecting him because we either find him inferior or superior to us but never find him same as us. Due to this kind of comparison we find ourselves inferior/superior and stuck in the same vicious circle. It requires us to correctly understand ourselves as well as others and to rightly evaluate them, not on the basis of their possessions but what they actually are!!

Definition of Respect thus turns out to be, “Right Evaluation”. Right Evaluation of a person leads to right “Respect” which is to the person and not to his possessions. Now it is left to the reader to evaluate it.

स्वतन्त्रता दिवस …

निम्नलिखित मेरे विचार हैं, जो मैंने १५ अगस्त पर IIIT-H में हुए समारोह में अध्यापकों, विद्यार्थियों तथा अन्य लोगो के समक्ष प्रस्तुत किए| Dr. A.P.J Abdul Kalam भी उस दिन वहां उपहस्थित थे|

आज स्वतंत्रता दिवस है| आज के दिन हम अग्रेजों की अधीनता से मुक्त हुए थे| आज का ही वह दिन था, जब हमें राजनैतिक स्वतंत्रता प्राप्त हुई थी| यह राजनैतिक स्वतंत्रता हमें यूँ ही प्राप्त नहीं हुई, इसे प्राप्त करने के लिए हज़ारों लोगों ने अपने निजी स्वार्थ को दरकिनार कर अपने प्राणों की खुशी खुशी आहुति दे दी|

आज स्वतंत्रता के ६० वर्ष बाद हम कहते हैं की हम स्वतंत्र हैं| स्वतंत्रता का अर्थ हम राजनैतिक स्वतंत्रता से लगाते हैं, पर क्या राजनैतिक रूप से स्वतंत्र होना ही, स्वतंत्रता है? राजनैतिक स्वतंत्रता प्राप्त कर के हम मानते हैं की हमने स्वराज हासिल कर लिया है, पर क्या यह सही मायने में स्वराज है?

इस जगह पर आकर हमें स्वतंत्रता तथा स्वराज, इन शब्दों को परिभाषित करने की आवश्कता महसूस होती है| स्वराज को पूर्ण रूप से परिभाषित कर पाना मेरे ज्ञान तथा योग्यता के परे है, पर तब भी में एक मोटे स्तर पर यह कहना चाहूँगा की स्वराज का अर्थ है, समाज में सुख तथा सम्रद्धि अथवा समाज में व्यवस्था| जब हम समाज में व्यवस्था को सुनिशचित करने जाते हैं, तो हम पाते हैं की समाज में व्यवस्था, मनुष्य के स्तर पर व्यवस्था को सुनिशचित किए बिना नहीं लाई जा सकती| मनुष्य के स्तर पर सुख तथा सम्रद्धि अथवा व्यवस्था सुनिशचित करने के लिए हमें मनुष्य के स्तर पर व्यवस्था को समझने की आवश्यकता है| मनुष्य के स्तर पर व्यवस्था को केवल स्वाध्याय से ही समझा जा सकता है| किसी गुमनाम व्यक्ति ने स्वाध्याय की महत्ता को बड़े ही अच्छे ढंग से समझाया है, जो में आप सबके साथ में बाँटना चाहूँगा|

यह कुछ इस तरह से है,
स्वयं से बातें करना हमेशा से ही मेरा काम रहा है| स्वयं से बातें करते करते अक्सर में दो “मैं” में बट जाता हूँ| एक वह “मैं” जो में होना चाहता हूँ, जिसकी मैंने अपने मन में छवि बाना रखी है, और दूसरा वह “मैं” जो में असलियत में हूँ| ऐसा करके मैं पाता हूँ की मेरे उन दो रूपों में कितना अन्तर है, कितना मतभेद है !! यह भीतरी मतभेद ही है जो आतंरिक हिंसा को जन्म देता है और अंततः बाहरी हिंसा के रूप में अपने आपको प्रदर्शित करता है|

काफ़ी लंबे समय से में इसी उलझन में पड़ा रहा की मेरे उन दो “मैं” में इतना अन्तर कैसे है, और मैं उसे आसानी से क्यों खत्म नहीं कर पा रहा हूँ? और भी कई प्रश्न मेरे इस अशांत मन को और भी विचलित कर देते, जैसे, आख़िर इस जीवन का उद्देश्य क्या है? हम क्या करना चाहते हैं?, आदि| मुझे पिछले कुछ समय से बस यही बात समझ मैं आई की इन प्रश्नों के उत्तर मुझे स्वाध्याय से ही मिल सकते हैं| स्वाध्याय ही मुझे बता सकता है की मेरे जीवन का उद्देश्य क्या है, मेरी भौतिक, मानसिक आवश्यकताएं क्या हैं|

मेरी ऐसी धारणा बनी की इन प्रश्नों के उत्तर के आभाव में और जीवन के प्रयोजन से जुड़े ज्ञान के आभाव में ही, हम स्वयं को उद्देश्यहीन पाते हैं और अक्सर वाही कर बैठते हैं जो हमारे समाज में अन्य लोग कर रहे होते हैं| और इस तरह से हम राजनैतिक रूप से स्वतंत्र होकर भी परतंत्रता का जीवन व्यतीत करते रहते हैं|

स्वाध्याय से मुझे यह पता लगा की मैंने अपने अभी तक के जीवन में जो भी कुछ अपने अन्दर ज्ञान समझ कर भर रखा है, वह सही में ज्ञान है, या फ़िर मेरी मान्यता है? मैंने यही पाया की हमें हमारी मान्यताओं और ज्ञान अथवा सही समझ के प्रति जागरूकता अत्यन्त ही आवश्यक है| ज्ञान तथा मान्यताओं को प्रथक करने वाली रेखा मुझे स्पष्ट रूप से दिखाई पड़नी चाहिए| हमारा व्यवहार हमारी मान्यताओं तथा ज्ञान का दर्पण होता है| हमारी मान्यताएं व ज्ञान हमारे व्यवहार को परिवर्तित कर देते हैं, हमारे नज़रिये को बदल कर रख देते हैं| एक ग़लत मान्यता का होना एक रंगीन चश्मे को लगा लेने जैसा है| अब भाई, लाल रंग का चश्मा लगा कर देखोगे तो दुनिया लाल ही नज़र आएगी ना!!

स्वाध्याय से ही मुझे समझ आया की समझ का आभाव ही सभी दुखों का कारण है| अज्ञानतावश ही मनुष्य गैरजिम्मेदाराना व्यवहार करता है| ज्ञान का अर्थ है, स्वयं के सम्पूर्णता से सम्बन्ध की समझ, जो स्वयं की समझ के बिना नहीं आ सकती| इसी समझ के आभाव में मनुष्य स्वयं भी दुखी होता है, और अन्य लोगों को भी दुखी कर बैठता है| अज्ञानता ही सभी दुखों का कारण है|

आज जब में अपने आसपास देखता हूँ, तो पाता हूँ, की चारों ओर भष्टाचार का बोलबाला है| सुधार की अवश्यक्ता है| इस सब भष्टाचार की जड़ अज्ञानता ही है| जब तक अज्ञानता ख़त्म नहीं होगी, तब तक भष्टाचार नामक इस राक्षस का वध नहीं होगा| जब तक हम स्वयं में सुधार नहीं लाएंगे तब तक हम समाज, देश, तथा विश्व के सुधार की आशा नहीं कर सकते| हर वह प्रयास जो अज्ञानता को मिटाकर ज्ञान बांटने में समर्थ है, सुधार कार्य की तरफ़ बहुत ही अच्छा और भव्य प्रयास है|

आज स्वतंत्रता दिवस है| आज के दिन हम अंग्रेजों की अधीनता से मुक्त हुए थे, पर मैं इस आजादी को सही मायने में आजादी नहीं मानता| हम तब तक आज़ाद नहीं होंगे, जब तक हम इन अज्ञानता रुपी बेड़ियों को तोड़कर स्वतंत्र नहीं हो जाते|

आइये हम सब आगे आयें और सभी में ज्ञान रुपी इस ज्योति को प्रज्वलित करने का यथासंभव प्रयास करें|
जय हिंद|

Social Customs and Peer Pressure …

In past few months I came across many things which I feel are worth mentioning here.

I came across many social customs which I feel are creating a lot of peer pressure on people. I will be talking about the customs which we follow in Gifts, Celebrations, Parties, Marriages and all.

Gifts

We see the culture of Gifts. When we go to our relatives houses we take something with us and when we are coming back they generally give back something to us. This is the custom which we see. What I feel the basic idea which might have been behind this custom, to express the gratitude, love, affection or as a souvenir. This must have been the purpose with which this culture evolved. The basic problem which I find now is, we have forgotten the purpose and are just following the method. We take Gifts just for the sake of taking it or it has become a culture and we expect something in return. These Gifts have now become the basis of a relationship. We judge the depth of a relationship by the kind of Gifts which we receive and others do the same. It has become a kind of “Give and Take” thing, where everybody thinks, since I have received gifts from my relatives of some price then it has become my obligation to give back Gifts of price more than what I have received.

I remember many such incidents in my own family and in others families too when I felt the quality and quantity of Gifts were the major reasons for the weakening of relationships. I remember many such incidents when the basis of quality and quantity of Gifts we are going to take to our relatives house was dependent on the quality and quantity of Gifts we received from them.

Celebrations, Parties and Marriages

We come across many celebrations and parties like, Birthday Parties, Job Parties, Marriage Parties and many more. We all have a social circle and that social circle consists of many people with many different financial and social backgrounds. We see that Party culture is already there. People give parties on their birthdays and other such events. The problem comes here when I am invited to a party I can not say NO and when I have to give party on my birthday or something the standard of party has to be the same as what I have been into. This is what creates pressure on us. What I feel the main purpose of giving Party is to share the happiness not just a formality that since I have received so I am obliged to give it back and it has to be the same extravaganza that the others did. Here also I would like to say that we have forgotten the purpose and are just following the method and there also we are creating peer pressure on other people. Party these days has become the issue the fear rather than sharing Happiness. I do not say that we should not give parties or should not attend them. I just mean to say that when these things become the basis of relationships then it creates pressure of people and a mean of sharing Happiness ultimately becomes the cause of Unhappiness.

I remember many incidents when we go to parties and celebrations and after coming back we criticize the arrangements and other things in the party since they were not as per our standards. This kind of criticism does nothing but increases the pressure on others to confirm to the standards of others who criticize, independent of fact whether they are really financially capable of giving parties of that standard or not. Still people confirm to the those standards because if they do not, they have a fear of rejection.

Specially in marriages there is lots of extravaganza. Whenever we talk about marriages we think in 10-15 lacks and if it is case of a girl then people think in even more than that. Parents spend their complete savings and earnings in their children’s marriages. Just to confirm to the “standards”. They come under financial pressures, peer pressures. They take loans, or spend their savings. They always find themselves deprived and want more and more money.

This kind of want for more and more money in turn creates more and more problems like it gives rise to Black Money, Stealing of Tax, Bribery and many such wrong ways of earning the money. These kind of things in turn contribute in inflation. Now since prices have increased due to our own mistakes which we did due to out own short term vision and incomplete knowledge and we want to confirm to the “standards”, we find ourselves more deprived. We daily become victims of what mistakes we did or our ancestors did in their lives due to Incomplete Knowledge and Short Term Vision and in spite of that we do not even realize that we ourselves gave rise to the system which is responsible for our deprivation.

Due to short term vision and incomplete knowledge we all have made such mistakes in past that now it is almost impossible to revert back and we daily knowingly and unknowingly become victims of those mistakes !!

In spite of becoming victims we do not do anything and just keep on doing however and whatever system dictates. We live the life however system wants us to live rather than what we feel is right. And the people who know what is right, who stick to their ideas and want to implement them face a lot of criticism, lots of opposition and are deemed as “Impractical”.

The only thing which can change the system is the change in attitude of minds of people. In my opinion the only thing which can change the attitude of minds of people is the change in the Education System, which is just teaching how to earn a living, how to earn more and more money but NOT how to live !!

The prevailing reason which I find behind peer pressure is the lack of absolute confidence. Absolute confidence is independent of any other individual. It is independent of any comparative feeling. As long as we live with relative confidence, we keep on comparing ourselves with others and try to show ourselves materially superior and ultimately join the rat race and these kind of pressures around us dominate us and we succumb to them. The only thing which can add to our absolute confidence is Knowledge.

It is the Knowledge which lets you know what is the Truth. It gives you strength to abide to your ideas.

Fear !!

Fear is not a disease of the body; Fear kills the soul. — Mohandas K. Gandhi.

Fear, whenever I think about fear I am amazed, how can a single emotion such as this, can make people, can break people, can drive people in any direction as it wants !!

I have been thinking on this topic since a long time and was trying to analyze or to find out the answers of many of my questions like,

What all kinds of fears I and others have?

What are reasons for all those fears?

Was I aware of all those fears when I born?

What all fears are common to all of us or are natural and which fears are man made?

What are the consequences of all those fears?

Now question which arises here is, when do I feel fear? In my opinion, I might feel fear when I am not sure of getting what I want or when there is uncertainty of getting/doing what I want or when there is uncertainty of getting/doing what I don’t want or when there is uncertainty of fulfillment of desire and there may be many other reasons which I am unaware of. All those factors which might be responsible for creating that uncertainty might be responsible for my fears.

Now in the broadest category if I try to analyze that what I want in my life, then it turns out to me, Happiness and Continuity of it. So, with this goal, all the factors which come into my way of Happiness or which might disturb my Happiness in future or might break the continuity of my Happiness will contribute to my fears. In very abstract level we can say that

The greatest fear of life is the fear of being unhappy.

We see that we have many kinds of fears, fear of criticism, fear of rejection, fear of loosing public acceptance, fear of failure, fear of loosing respect, fear of loosing trust, fear of loosing wealth, fear of other human intentions, fear of loosing whatever physical or non-physical thing I posses and many more.

When I was born I don’t think I had any fear. As my knowledge about facts increased, so did my fears. When my knowledge about the facts associated with nature increased I realized that there are some fears which I have due to nature and which can not be avoided and they are,

Fear of Natural Calamities,

Fear of Bodily Diseases,

Fear of Wild Animals,

Fear of another Human Being.

These are some of the fears which we get naturally, which are given by nature. If I analyze then I rarely think about first three fears out of above four. The only fear which remains now is the fear of another human being.

The main thing which creates fear in a human being due to another human being is, Difference. I have discussed in my last post why Differences arise and how they can be advantageous and in what conditions they are disadvantageous. Difference is something which is given by the nature.

Difference is something which is given by nature.

As we see that a human being has 5 senses which are the source of all the inputs and sensations in his body. Those inputs are the source of our knowledge. Now the thing is these 5 senses are limited in capability. Like I can not see at my back while seeing in my front and similarly there are limitations of my other senses too. A person thus can not see the absolute reality associated with an object. Different people see Difference realities and make their assumptions. These Different realities and assumptions ultimately contribute to their Differences in opinions and thoughts. Now the thing to notice here is, a Human Being is seeing Different realities than the other Human being due to his limitations of the senses which is ultimately creating the Differences in their opinions, and these senses are given to the human being by the nature, so we can deduce that the Differences are something which are given by nature. The major problem arises when we assume that the reality (which is actually the partial reality) which we have seen is the absolute reality and become rigid on it and when some Difference comes into picture (which might be the other partial reality of the same object), we want to kill the Difference with violence. We feel that the Difference itself is the Evil.

Nature has given some fears to us, I could think of four, which I have written above. Generally in current situation we do not think first three fears, like we do not think of natural calamities like earthquakes etc, we do not think of fears related to wild animals, we do not think of bodily diseases after having got so much medical advances. The major dominating fear is the fear of another Human Being. Which is also natural due to the Differences between them because Differences themselves are given by the nature. The problem here is, there are many kinds of fears which we know and we suffer from these days and most of the fears are Man Made Fears.

When a man comes into society, he has many social bondages, many social expectations, many said or unsaid norms, many expectations from the family, friends, and many other people. There are current trends, there is a lots of influence from the environment, something is in more demand these days, something is less and there are many more things. It is something like a man is in a predefined framework where he is tied with many chains knowingly or unknowingly, and he is supposed to be in the same situation, by the society, family and most of the people around. The position of the person can be considered similar to the person shown in figure.

Like for example, if I start from the time when a child is born, the first label which is attached with the child is the label of religion. If I am born in a Hindu family then I will be a Hindu. If I am born in a Muslim family then I will be a Muslim and so on. Then comes the schooling part. During the schooling, child starts to identify his interest and wants to pursue it but if that interest is not matching with what parents want then it creates problem to the child. There is a lots of pressure on the child to pursue the interest of parents. The choices of parents are also generally influenced by the environment, society, current trends, current ups and downs, profession of people around them, what their children are doing, where more money can be earned, where there is scope these days basically scope for more money and many more reasons. Generally if you try to do something different than what your peers are doing, what current trends are, whats happening in your environment then you might have to face a lots of criticism, lots of back biting, and if your step is to bring some change in the environment itself, then you might even have to face a lots of opposition, criticism etc.

I t is really difficult to make your own way, when all other ants are moving on the path already set by other ants !!

In such situations it is the fear of criticism, fear of back biting which stops people to pursue their interests. Fear of criticism contributes a lot in what we call, The Peer Pressure. Peer Pressure is a kind of pressure which people feel due to their peers, due to their colleagues. Peer Pressure in my opinion is felt by people due to three reasons, first due to the feeling of comparision or fear of lagging or fear of being left behind like, “everybody around me is doing MBA, may be I should also do MBA”, “everybody is earning more and more by taking more and more bribes. then may be I should also start taking bribes and since everybody is doing, so there is nothing wrong in it.”. Second due to fear of criticism like “if I choose Arts as my field then I will be criticized a lot”. Third due to the fear of non acceptance from public.

Human being these days has become a kind of “Visible God” to most of other Human Beings. A human being is not able to do what he actually wants to do, or what he feels is right because of peer pressures, due to fears of rejection, due to fear of non acceptance by other human beings. A Human Being is driving the life of other Human Being. A Human Being has fears from other Human Being. So who is the God for a Human Being?

It is due to the fear of these “Visible Gods” people don’t want to be what they really are, people don’t want to behave the way they actually want to, people have lost their natural smiles, people do many things which they don’t want to do, people don’t want to take the responsibilities of their actions. The reason why Hypocrisy is increasing day by day is nothing but the fear of these “Visible Gods”. People want public acceptance, people want favor of public, people want themselves to be shown good in the public. These are some of the factors which takes away the natural behavior of the people. They are just being driven in the river downstream. They are just trying to uplift themselves up in the eyes of others by falling into their own eyes.

In society we have many prejudices, many assumptions which have no reasons behind them or people forgot the purpose and just remember the method and are following the methods without knowing the purposes. These assumptions or methods which we are following are also very much responsible for our fears.

Our own misconceptions, lack of understanding, wrong assumptions and incomplete knowledge are responsible for our fears.

One of the greatest and dominating assumption which people have these days is their belief in Cynicism. The word ‘cynicism’ generally describes the opinions of men and women who maintain that self-interest is the primary motive of human behavior, and are disinclined to rely upon sincerity, human virtue, or altruism as motivations. There are two things associated with Cynicism, first being cynical and second is believing in cynicism. Being Cynical means mistrusting the intentions of others and thinking that the other person is motivated by his self interest and people are generally motivated by their self interests. Believing in Cynicism is, thinking that the selfishness is the way of the life. Cynicism creates an environment of distrust. The main reason of distrust is Fear. Fear that other person will exploit me, Fear that other person has bad intentions, Fear that other person is being driven by his self interests and will definitely make wrong use of me.

One more reason which I could find behind fears is our own dishonesty. Our dishonesty makes us uncomfortable in the way that it creates a fear of revealing the dishonesty. We say something somewhere and something somewhere else. There is always a contradiction and calculation in mind “what I said last time?”. There is a lot of book keeping which we need to do and have to be very choosy and fast in calculation. But why the heck am I doing this? Is it really giving me Happiness? Am I really comfortable with this situation? I feel I am not. We ourselves are creating a feeling of fear for us and making ourselves unhappy.

Most of us are reluctant to Trust people and we say, “This is how things happen, if you want to survive in the society then be practical.”. Lack of Trust creates an environment of fear. Actually Fear and Trust are inversely proportional to each other. Fear increases, mistrust increases. Fear and Mistrust reinforce each other. Until fearlessness is not achieved Trustful environment can not be created and vice versa. This feeling of mistrust is filled in the child from the day he starts going to the school, “You have to practical. Be practical !!”, without giving the definition of “being practical”. If being selfish is being practical, if telling wrong things to others is being practical, if being cunning is being practical, if creating an environment of distrust and if considering other human beings as Gods is being practical, if being driven by wrong assumptions is being practical, if being in the rat race is being practical, if playing an unfair game is being practical, then I hate being practical. We all contribute a lot in creating this kind of environment and ultimately creating an environment of fear and mistrust. Unless we start taking the responsibility of our own actions, unless we realize that we ourselves are responsible for the current condition of the society and the world, unless we stop being indifferent, nothing can be changed. Generally we give many arguments in our favor, “I can not do anything and I am helpless and I have no other option other than being indifferent”. Unless we are not part of the solution, we ourselves are the problem.

Evil flourishes when good people of the country, society, family, group be indifferent, tolerant, and do nothing.

Many times we create environment of mistrust knowingly or unknowingly. We appreciate so called “pragmatism” and call the honest people “Impractical” and “Fools”. We motivate more and more people to become practical and demotivate people who are willing to fight against the system and change it, by giving the arguments “You can not progress like this. If you want to survive in the society and want to progress then be practical!!”. Most of us just criticize the system but do not do anything to change it. On the other hand we demotivate and criticize those who are working for the betterment of society. Being practical in the society is appreciated and it is the rule of the world that the thing which is appreciated is condemned to repeat itself.

Many times we do spread feeling of mistrust and environment of distrust knowingly or unknowingly. We criticize a lot of people at their backs. We have many assumptions because of which we understand what we want to understand instead of what the actual reality is. Our understanding depends of our perception and our perceptions is formed out of our entire preconditioning. Our preconditioning generally involves a lots of wrong assumptions which changes out attitude towards the surrounding and the people. We just keep on criticizing people at their backs, we just keep on gossiping and we feel good without even realizing the consequences of what we are doing, what kind of environment we are creating, and in the end we criticize the same system which we ourselves created.

Whenever something goes wrong then we start playing a blame game. We do not want to take the responsibility of our actions. We just keep on blaming the entire world and at the end of the day we say, its all about fate. Fate is just a tool or an excuse to evade from the responsibilities. Life is really very easy when we are not responsible for our actions and fate gives this opportunity. Blame fate if you can not find anybody else to blame but never look into yourself, this is what we do.

Maturity comes when we realize that we ourselves are responsible for our present and our future.

Maturity come with the realization of responsibility. Realization of responsibility comes with proper understanding and knowledge. If I see what I want in my life then it turns out to be, Happiness. Happiness can not be achieved without Maturity and Maturity can not be achieved without the sense of Responsibility and sense of Responsibility can not be achieved without Knowledge. So for Happiness a man needs, Knowledge.

So what is the solution? How can we be fearless? How can we live more happier life? As I discussed just now that the only thing which can kill our fears is Knowledge. It is only the Knowledge and right understanding which can kill our fears. It is only the Knowledge and right understanding which can control our uncontrolled emotions. It only the right understanding and Knowledge which can make us more happy. Unless we kill our prejudices, unless we kill our wrong assumptions, until we keep on living in the darkness of ignorance, we can never be Happy.

Truth, purity, and unselfishness—wherever these are present, there is no power below or above the sun to crush the possessor thereof. Equipped with these, one individual is able to face the whole universe in opposition. — Swami Vivekananda.

Few people have guts to stand for their opinions and fight against the system. One of greatest examples in history is Mohandas K. Gandhi. Such kind of people have guts to stand for their beliefs and fight against the system and change it. As it might be expected that it is not easy to stand against a lot of people when they are against you and are not ready to listen. We have to face a lot of criticism, a lot of opposition. For this Gandhiji said,

First they ignore you,

Then they laugh at you,

Then they fight you,

Then you win.

So the question arises as to, how did Gandhiji do this? He used two great weapons for this, Truth and Non-Violence. Truth gives great power. Power to stand for one’s believes, power to be determined, power to face criticism, power to face opposition. Non-Violence not only changes the system but changes the person also, which is a more permanent solution rather than just changing the system without changing the person. If the person is not changed then the system will become what it was, and the war against the system will never come to an end. The only thing which can change the system is the change in attitudes of the people.

A change in attitude can change everything.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. — William James

Now question is how Non-Violence can change the person? There are two kinds of violence, Active Violence and Passive Violence. Active Violence is physically harming the person. Passive violence is creating an environment of mistrust, creating an environment of fear, criticizing people at their backs, use of irresponsible language, use of provoking phrases, creating misconceptions between people, creating voids between people etc. We do Passive Violence a lot knowingly or unknowingly. Passive Violence is something that later becomes Active Violence. Generally people use violence to kill the Difference. As I discussed in my last post “Differences”,

The only way to kill the Difference is Knowledge.

If one tries to kill the difference with violence, it may be active violence or passive violence then there is very high probability that the other person will be provoked rather than being convinced and that provoking violence might even reinforce his wrong beliefs. Violence can bring the harmony for some time but not permanently. Violence is another way of creating a fearful environment around the other person, and the other person remains in control due to fear. It is not a permanent solution as the person is not changed, he is not doing anything because of fear of violence, but as soon as the person gets the power again, violence will start again. A permanent solution would be to increase the knowledge of the other person and make him realize that he is doing wrong. If that realization is there then the other person will NOT repeat his wrong thing again. Non-Violence makes a person to think on what he is doing, and ultimately changes the person. As I said that the only way to kill the Difference is knowledge, so to kill the Difference, Knowledge transfer is essential and Knowledge can not be transferred without humility.

Knowledge can not be transfered without humility.

Humility is something which can not be imitated. Humility is something which can not be artificially shown. Humility is something which should come from inside and Humility from inside does not come without knowledge.

Humility is Directly proportional to Knowledge.

So again the ultimate solution is Knowledge. It is the knowledge which makes a person to know the Truth better. It is the knowledge which improves a person’s ideas. It is the knowledge which makes a person humble. It is the knowledge which makes a person to understand his responsibilities and it is the feeling of responsibility which makes a person more mature. It is the knowledge which makes a responsible person to transfer the knowledge. It is the knowledge which when transfered can kill the differences. It is the knowledge which can change the attitudes of the people, which can improve the ideology of the people, which can change the person completely. When the knowledge to the people is transfered, attitudes of people changes and the Differences between the people are killed. When Differences between the people are killed a more Fearless and Trustful environment is created. When Fearlessness and Trust between the people are ensured then Peace in the world is ensured. And it all starts from Knowledge!!

Knowledge is the solution for everything and it is the incomplete knowledge and ignorance which is the reason for all evil. Knowledge is Divine and Ignorance is Evil.