In past few months I came across many things which I feel are worth mentioning here.
I came across many social customs which I feel are creating a lot of peer pressure on people. I will be talking about the customs which we follow in Gifts, Celebrations, Parties, Marriages and all.
Gifts
We see the culture of Gifts. When we go to our relatives houses we take something with us and when we are coming back they generally give back something to us. This is the custom which we see. What I feel the basic idea which might have been behind this custom, to express the gratitude, love, affection or as a souvenir. This must have been the purpose with which this culture evolved. The basic problem which I find now is, we have forgotten the purpose and are just following the method. We take Gifts just for the sake of taking it or it has become a culture and we expect something in return. These Gifts have now become the basis of a relationship. We judge the depth of a relationship by the kind of Gifts which we receive and others do the same. It has become a kind of “Give and Take” thing, where everybody thinks, since I have received gifts from my relatives of some price then it has become my obligation to give back Gifts of price more than what I have received.
I remember many such incidents in my own family and in others families too when I felt the quality and quantity of Gifts were the major reasons for the weakening of relationships. I remember many such incidents when the basis of quality and quantity of Gifts we are going to take to our relatives house was dependent on the quality and quantity of Gifts we received from them.
Celebrations, Parties and Marriages
We come across many celebrations and parties like, Birthday Parties, Job Parties, Marriage Parties and many more. We all have a social circle and that social circle consists of many people with many different financial and social backgrounds. We see that Party culture is already there. People give parties on their birthdays and other such events. The problem comes here when I am invited to a party I can not say NO and when I have to give party on my birthday or something the standard of party has to be the same as what I have been into. This is what creates pressure on us. What I feel the main purpose of giving Party is to share the happiness not just a formality that since I have received so I am obliged to give it back and it has to be the same extravaganza that the others did. Here also I would like to say that we have forgotten the purpose and are just following the method and there also we are creating peer pressure on other people. Party these days has become the issue the fear rather than sharing Happiness. I do not say that we should not give parties or should not attend them. I just mean to say that when these things become the basis of relationships then it creates pressure of people and a mean of sharing Happiness ultimately becomes the cause of Unhappiness.
I remember many incidents when we go to parties and celebrations and after coming back we criticize the arrangements and other things in the party since they were not as per our standards. This kind of criticism does nothing but increases the pressure on others to confirm to the standards of others who criticize, independent of fact whether they are really financially capable of giving parties of that standard or not. Still people confirm to the those standards because if they do not, they have a fear of rejection.
Specially in marriages there is lots of extravaganza. Whenever we talk about marriages we think in 10-15 lacks and if it is case of a girl then people think in even more than that. Parents spend their complete savings and earnings in their children’s marriages. Just to confirm to the “standards”. They come under financial pressures, peer pressures. They take loans, or spend their savings. They always find themselves deprived and want more and more money.
This kind of want for more and more money in turn creates more and more problems like it gives rise to Black Money, Stealing of Tax, Bribery and many such wrong ways of earning the money. These kind of things in turn contribute in inflation. Now since prices have increased due to our own mistakes which we did due to out own short term vision and incomplete knowledge and we want to confirm to the “standards”, we find ourselves more deprived. We daily become victims of what mistakes we did or our ancestors did in their lives due to Incomplete Knowledge and Short Term Vision and in spite of that we do not even realize that we ourselves gave rise to the system which is responsible for our deprivation.
Due to short term vision and incomplete knowledge we all have made such mistakes in past that now it is almost impossible to revert back and we daily knowingly and unknowingly become victims of those mistakes !!
In spite of becoming victims we do not do anything and just keep on doing however and whatever system dictates. We live the life however system wants us to live rather than what we feel is right. And the people who know what is right, who stick to their ideas and want to implement them face a lot of criticism, lots of opposition and are deemed as “Impractical”.
The only thing which can change the system is the change in attitude of minds of people. In my opinion the only thing which can change the attitude of minds of people is the change in the Education System, which is just teaching how to earn a living, how to earn more and more money but NOT how to live !!
The prevailing reason which I find behind peer pressure is the lack of absolute confidence. Absolute confidence is independent of any other individual. It is independent of any comparative feeling. As long as we live with relative confidence, we keep on comparing ourselves with others and try to show ourselves materially superior and ultimately join the rat race and these kind of pressures around us dominate us and we succumb to them. The only thing which can add to our absolute confidence is Knowledge.
It is the Knowledge which lets you know what is the Truth. It gives you strength to abide to your ideas.
Nice one re.. so wat else are u doign these days? hows work?
Hi devansh. I think what you said about gifts is true. I have seen it among my friends circle and even in the older genereation. About the parties i’m not so sure as i havent given many
What are you upto these days??
Very nice post. I especially agree with it as in, people throw lavish parties for marriages bcos its the norm. If they do not do so, they are afraid that people will ‘talk’ that something is wrong. Which is again true! Whether the reason behind all this is lack of confidence, I do not know
Well written ! well written! We shall start an AOL enterprise where u shall distribute ur AWEsome gyan
while I collect the fees from the memebers 
@Karan: The reason behind this I feel is confidence because we don’t know whether what they are doing is right. In most of the cases we have not even tried to analyze what we are doing. In spite of becoming victims we do not even realize that something is wrong. We do not even try to know why we are feeling deprived in spite of earning a handsome amount of money. We take it for granted that we “have to” give a lavish party just because it is a norm or we have been to the parties which were lavish so it becomes our obligation to give the party of same standard. I should give party which I am financially and happily agree with. We should not make the means of sharing happiness a cause of unhappiness. The other person might be having that standard to give such parties.
The problem which comes here is, people around us criticize if we do not confirm to their standards. This is the major problem, which create problems. The confidence thing comes here when I understand that what I think is right, I understand that I should not give parties which I can not financially support, just to confirm to the standards, and implement that in real life. This is what we call being “Practical”. Understanding the “reality” and implementing it in “real” life. It requires Guts and Confidence. The reason we lack confidence is we lack Knowledge.
@Karan: It might be possible that if I follow what I said then I will be rejected. Well, I should be ready to be rejected for a right cause then to be accepted for a wrong cause.
Hey Devansh, post mein jo bhi likha ekdum sach. This was something which I knew but I didnt know that I knew..:) May be this is what you meant when you said, “we become victims..” Whatever you discussed in the blog is ought to be got into practice.. Else, the real meaning of love, relationships will become history..
Tere naye job lagne ki khushi mein ab party bilkul nahii..:) I now respect your idea of throwing a small scale party and donating the rest amount to the needy..
In a marriage in the family, my bhabhi wore a lehnga worth 14000. imagine spending that much on a dress which one would wear only for ONE day in life…. thankfully she now regrets this. she says, she just gave into the occasion and did not think like this…