How do I Judge myself?

We all judge ourselves. Generally the purpose of judging is Self “Improvement”. Why do we want to improve ourselves? The basic idea or assumption behind self improvement is, “If I improve myself then I can be more happy”. Happiness and continuity of it is something which we want. We all want to be continuously happy.

Generally when it comes to judging ourselves then we do that by comparing ourselves with “others”. “Others” are generally the basis of judgment of ourselves. When we judge ourselves on the basis of others then it gives rise to Inferiority/Superiority. When we feel inferior we try to do something to become superior, and when we feel superior then we take pride in it and try to dominate those to whom we feel superior. It may be possible that we feel inferior to some people and superior to others. Generally we compare ourselves with the people with whom we interact more.

The basic thing which is needed to be analyzed here is what is this feeling of inferiority or superiority? and how does it come?

In my opinion I might feel inferior when I feel the uncertainty of getting respect from other and I might feel superior when I feel certainty of it due to any reason. So, we come to know that it is “Respect” which plays an important role in the feeling of Inferiority or Superiority.

If we try to analyze Respect then we come to know that we all want Respect. Need of Respect is continuous in us i.e. we want Respect continuously. This feeling of getting respect from others drives us in doing many such things which we do not want to do and sometimes it makes us not to do those things which we really want to do!!

I remember it was my cousin’s marriage. Father of my cousin did not have much to spend on the reception and other things. but being a girl’s father and that also in an elite society he was in Peer Pressure to give such a reception which couldn’t afford, but still he did. He took loans from banks, from his relatives and many other people just to confirm to the “standards”. He had a feeling that if he does not do so then he will loose “Respect”, so ultimately he gave a reception which was even above the “standards”. Now after 5-6 years of marriage, the situation in girl’s father’s house is, he is still in a big loan and his business is same sluggish as it was before and he thinks twice before buying even the daily needed things like grocery and all.

This was just one, not-so-high example. There are several examples like this where we make “others” around us as basis of judgment of ourselves and feel Inferior/Superior which leads to Competitions and Peer Pressures. Ultimately this Peer Pressure or Competition or feeling to avoid Inferiority or feeling to prove superiority becomes the driver of our thoughts. It becomes driver of almost all of our decisions and we keep on doing things which others around us are doing or whatever “others” dictate, just to keep on getting “Respect” from them!!

It is this feeling of getting or maintaining Respect from others around, we do a lot many wrong things also, which ultimately leads to corruption. Like, if my neighbor has a bigger car than me then I start feeling inferior. Now I need a bigger car to get back my lost respect. I don’t have much money to buy a bigger car, but I want it on any cost. My current salary in my job can not draw me a bigger car, so I try to find out some other ways of earning money. I start stealing tax, I start showing wrong medical bills, I start taking bribes and a lot many things which ultimately contribute to corruption. Ultimately after doing all these things when I get the bigger car I get back my “Respect” but only till the time my neighbor buys a more bigger car than my new car and in this way this vicious circle never ends. In this case also if we see then we come to know that, it is “car” which is being respected and not the person.

If we see in a bigger view then we come to know that, it all starts from the feeling of getting more and more Respect from others. It is this feeling of getting Respect in ourselves makes us to compare ourselves with “others”, which makes us feel either inferior or superior or both. It is this feeling of Inferiority/Superiority which creates “Peer Pressure” on us, which ultimately leads to corruption. Its a chain

Feeling of getting Respect from others leads to

Comparison leads to

Inferiority/Superiority leads to

Peer Pressure leads to

Corruption.

Those who have become corrupt, motivate others also to become corrupt and earn easy money. People compare themselves with those others who have become corrupt and are earning more and more money and again feel inferior and this chain ultimately becomes a vicious circle.

We all, almost all of us are suffering from this problem and fit somewhere in between the above chain. To come out of this chain there is necessity to understand “Respect”. We know that we want Respect continuously, so in current scenario to make respect continuous we will need to show ourselves superior to others continuously, which creates nothing but a self-destructive society as we have already seen. This reinforces the necessity to question and understand the definition of “Respect”.

As we have seen above generally we make possessions of the other person as the basis of Respecting him rather than the person himself. Possessions of a person includes his material and non-material possession like his property, car, house, salary, designation in his job, religion, caste, country, language, gender, build of the body, his ideology etc.

Till the time we keep on making possessions of a person as basis of judgment of person we keep on disrespecting him because we either find him inferior or superior to us but never find him same as us. Due to this kind of comparison we find ourselves inferior/superior and stuck in the same vicious circle. It requires us to correctly understand ourselves as well as others and to rightly evaluate them, not on the basis of their possessions but what they actually are!!

Definition of Respect thus turns out to be, “Right Evaluation”. Right Evaluation of a person leads to right “Respect” which is to the person and not to his possessions. Now it is left to the reader to evaluate it.